Deliberations
by Anonymous-cat
Summary: "So what should we do? Accept magic, or let Mordred die?" Arthur struggles with a question, and Merlin offers a different perspective. AU ending to The Disir, no slash.


A/N- This is a slight fix-it fic for episode 5x05, The Disir, although not in the way you might think.

* * *

_"You have until dawn."_

One night. One night to decide the fate of his entire kingdom... and that of a man who had become very dear to him in such a short time. Mordred was so young, so eager to prove himself... he did not deserve to be cut down like this, not with so many years and battles ahead of him. Especially when his death could be so easily prevented! There had been too many deaths lately, too many people dying in Arthur's name. The loss of Sir Ranulph still stung; he hated to think he might lose Mordred to the same fate. It wasn't fair.

Yet Mordred's life was not the only thing at stake here. By demanding the return of magic for the safety of the young knight, the Disir had made this a political decision. The choice he made now would affect everyone in his kingdom. If he saved Mordred, was he then condemning his people to a life plagued by evil sorcerers? It wasn't as if that didn't happen enough already, he thought, rolling his eyes. But if sorcery was legal, they would be practicing such dark magic with Arthur's _consent_, consent he wasn't sure he wanted to give. Consent he wasn't sure he had the _right_ to give.

And he was expected to make such a momentous decision here, in one night, out in the middle of the forest. Alone.

A crash in the nearby underbrush snapped Arthur out of his reverie, and he amended that thought. Alone... except for his manservant.

Well, perhaps that wasn't so bad. If he was being completely honest, he preferred Merlin to a room full of advisors anyway. He'd found himself seeking the man's opinion more and more lately, a fact some of his more professional advisors would probably take offense at. They would be wrong to dismiss the servant so easily, though. Merlin might not be of much use in a fight, or even in his daily duties, but he was observant. He _saw _things others didn't. Speaking of which...

"How did you know this place was sacred?"

Without looking up, he heard Merlin set his collection of wood beside the fire. "Well, it's obvious."

Obvious?

"Pretend it isn't," he muttered, wondering what could be so _obvious_ about it.

Merlin was silent for a moment. "Everything here is so full of life," he said quietly, almost _reverently_. "Every tree... every leaf... every insect... It's as if the world is vibrating, as if everything is much more than itself."

Arthur sat up, and really _looked_ at Merlin. His manservant's face was animated, passionate... he hadn't quite been expecting such a response. "You feel all _that_?"

"Don't you?" He said it like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Wordlessly, Arthur shook his head, and watched as Merlin's face fell. He felt bad momentarily for disappointing him, but it wasn't his fault Merlin had decided to get sentimental about a bunch of _trees_.

Apparently giving up on making the king understand why vibrating trees were so important, Merlin took his place on the other side of the fire. The two sat in silence for a moment, the flames crackling between them.

Then came the question he had been dreading. "What will you do?"

Arthur sighed heavily. One night. What _was_ he going to do?

"I don't know," he admitted, laying out the problem that was troubling him. "My heart says do anything I can to save Mordred... but I've seen what misery unfettered sorcery brings. Before my father outlawed magic, Camelot was almost destroyed by sorcery. In my own time, Morgana's used it for nothing but evil." He stared into the fire, remembering all the destruction that magic had caused. And yet he could not sit by and do nothing as Mordred died. He needed _answers_. "What would you do? In my place?"

"Me?" Merlin seemed surprised, which was a surprise in itself. After all, it was hardly the first time Arthur had turned to him for advice. "I'm just a lackey, maker of beds."

"Lackeys can be wise," Arthur said cautiously. Usually Merlin was complaining that Arthur never listened to him, but now that Arthur was actually asking for an opinion, he didn't feel worthy of giving it? "It's not like you to _be_ silent."

"The kingdom's future is at stake."

"And a man's life," Arthur reminded him.

Merlin fidgeted, refusing to look him in the eye. "You must protect Camelot, and you must protect the world you've spent your life building, a just and fair kingdom for all."

"You'd have me sacrifice a friend," he accused, his chest constricting painfully at the thought.

"I would have you become the king you are destined to be." Which was really no answer at all, Arthur thought, quickly becoming irritated. It was a simple enough question! Should he save Mordred's life, or not? Should he repeal the ban on magic, or _not_?

"If I do save Mordred, all my father's work will be for nothing. Sorcery will reign once more in Camelot. Is that what you'd want?" Merlin was silent, his eyes darting about, looking everywhere except at his king. Arthur felt his own eyes narrow in response. It was obvious that Merlin was keeping something from him. "Perhaps my father was wrong, perhaps the old ways aren't as evil as we thought," he offered, wondering what Merlin would say to _that._ Did Merlin agree with his father's policies on magic? Arthur had thought so, once, but Merlin was being so evasive, he was beginning to wonder.

After a few more moments of silence, he decided to put the question out there in the simplest terms possible: "So what should we do? Accept magic, or let Mordred die?" Now Merlin would _have_ to give him an answer.

Except Merlin was refusing to cooperate. An array of emotions played across his face, and it was obvious that the man was going through some kind of internal struggle, a fact that left Arthur feeling more baffled by the second. How complicated could this answer be? Finally, though, he spoke.

"This is wrong."

Well. That wasn't an answer either. "What?"

"This is _wrong_," Merlin repeated with increasing conviction. "A decision like this shouldn't be made out of fear."

"Merlin..."

But Merlin wasn't finished. "You can't choose to repeal a law that affects each and every one of your citizens, just because you're afraid one man might die! You have to think of _everyone_ in your kingdom, not just Mordred. _That_ is your duty as a king. And you cannot make such decisions based on threats! If it is right to repeal the ban on magic, then _you_ must come to that decision on your own, without being coerced by a gang of sorcerers!" Merlin shut his eyes, breathing heavily from the exertion of his speech. After a moment he added, more quietly, "You cannot accept magic simply because you are afraid. If the Disir think that is the way to peace, then they are wrong."

Arthur sat in stunned silence for a moment, taking in what had been said. He'd thought Merlin had been passionate about the _trees_, but this... this had gone ten times beyond that. There had been actual _tears_ in his eyes, for God's sake. Arthur suddenly had the feeling that, whatever else he might do, he had better take Merlin's advice on this one.

He tried to sort out exactly what he'd heard. "So you don't think I should give in to the Disir."

"I think you should make the choice you feel would be best for the kingdom, regardless of whether it means Mordred's death. He did his duty as a knight of Camelot. Now it is your turn to do yours." With that, Merlin pulled out his bedroll and rolled over, putting his back to Arthur. It was clear he was finished with the conversation. But Arthur wasn't.

"Thank you."

It was muffled, but Arthur still caught Merlin's reply. "For what?"

"For being honest." That said, Arthur unraveled his own bedroll, and made ready to go to sleep. It wasn't going to take him all night to make this decision after all, he reflected. Because, as usual, Merlin was right.

* * *

"You have returned. Is your decissssion made?" The three cowled figures looked like statues, as still as the stone that surrounded them. Arthur was determined to not be intimidated. _A decision like this shouldn't be made out of fear._

"No," he replied.

Silence.

Clearly they were not expecting that.

"Ssso you have refusssed to heed our warning."

"I did not say that. But a decision like this cannot be made in a single night, and it cannot be made for the sake of a single man, however dear he may be. I cannot do as you ask."

"Then you have made your decisssion. Ssssealed your fate, and that of your kingdom."

"_No._" This was getting irritating; were they not listening to a word he was saying? "I may have sealed Mordred's fate; that is up to you. But the fate of my kingdom is in my own hands, and _I_ will make the decisions I feel are best for its people, without being influenced by your threats.

"However."

Was it a trick of the light, or did the three figures lean a little closer to hear what he was saying?

"Your petition to repeal the ban on magic has been heard by the King of Camelot, and will be considered in due time. I will return to my court and bring this matter up with my council. Perhaps you are right; perhaps the practitioners of the Old Religion have been silenced too long. I must warn you, though, that in recent years the majority of the magic I have observed has been malicious and violent. My councilors will agree. And after the threats you have made towards myself and my kingdom, I must confess I am not very inclined to look favorably on this request. I will consider the matter nevertheless, but I would ask you, as a show of good faith, to heal my knight. It would go a long way towards showing that magic can be used not only for malice, but for kindness."

Arthur held his breath. Would they agree?

After a long silence, he heard a strange, cackling sound. It took a moment for him to realize it was _laughter_. "Healing your knight might not be the _kindnesssss _you believe it to be, Arthur Pendragon," they hissed as one. "Neverthelessss, it sssshall be done. Assss long assss you remain undecided, hisss fate will remain bound to your own. Be wary, young king, for if you continue to defy the Old Religion, you _both_ will pay the priccce."

The final word was punctuated by the cavern falling into total darkness, rather too dramatically for Arthur's taste. He bit down on the impulse to swear and turned to leave with as much dignity as he could muster when it was impossible to see his own feet. He hadn't taken three steps before he crashed into Merlin, and together they made their way back to the entrance, stumbling towards the light.

On the way out of the cave, Arthur plucked his sword from where he had left it and slid it into his scabbard. He noticed Merlin looking at him intently.

"What?" he asked, not a little bit annoyed by this strange behavior after being forced to crawl out of the cave in the dark.

"Did you mean it?" Merlin asked, his face more eager than usual. "Did you mean what you said, that you'd consider repealing the ban on magic?"

"Of course I meant it," Arthur snapped, wounded that his honor was being questioned. "I will, at the very least, consider it. Hopefully they meant it too, when they said they'd heal Mordred. Otherwise I'm not sure how far that discussion is going to get, no matter how forgiving I'm willing to be." He frowned. "Merlin, ready the horses. I'd like to be in Camelot as soon as possible, to see if they've kept their word."

Merlin's face darkened, but Arthur tried not to read too much into it. Surely Merlin was just as concerned as he was. Or perhaps he was considering the upcoming council sessions on the subject of magic; _that_ was sure to be interesting. Since Merlin seemed so... invested... in the topic, he would have to make sure the servant was able to attend, even if it was only as household staff. And maybe he could find out where exactly Merlin stood on the issue... even last night, it hadn't been very clear what _Merlin's_ opinion on magic was, just that he wanted Arthur to form his own, without fear.

Well. He would certainly have a lot to think about. But that was for another day. Now it was time to go home.

As they rode out into the bright sunshine, Merlin turned to Arthur unexpectedly and said, quite sincerely, "Thank you."

Taken aback, Arthur echoed their closing remarks from the night before. "For what?"

But Merlin only smiled and, like so many other things, kept his reasons a secret.

* * *

A/N- So, yeah. A fix-it fic that nevertheless leaves many things unchanged. Arthur still doesn't know about Merlin's magic, Mordred is still alive, and magic is still illegal- for now. The only thing this really fixes is Merlin saying the words "There can be no place for magic in Camelot," which was, quite frankly, ridiculous. I also felt it was unnecessary, and I think I have shown that the writers could have reached an almost identical conclusion without having Merlin betray everything he's stood for for the past ten years. I guess that betrayal adds more _drama_ to the show, but it just didn't sit right with me. Basically I wrote this fic so I could mentally sub this in, watch the next few episodes, and pretend progress towards the legalization of magic is happening somewhere offscreen, at least until the Powers That Be remind me otherwise.


End file.
